Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Why does the world hate America?
Maybe part of the reason why is because the United States is spending $40 million on Bush's inauguration blowout while only forking over $35 million to aid victims of the tsunami.
Wouldn't it be swell if all those private donors who are funding Bush's inauguration got together and decided instead to send their money to Sri Lanka and India?
America isn't stingy. We're just selfish.
Posted by Brian at 8:18 AM
Comments (5)
Category: Politics
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Mountains o' fun
There's nothing like a trip to the mountains to forget one's cares. And there's nothing like returning home from a trip to the mountains to remember all the reasons one needed to escape to the mountains in the first place.
The peaks in question were located in western North Carolina, in the Bryson City, Cashiers, Brevard metropolis. And if you like photos of waterfalls and icicles, it's your lucky freakin' day, my aquatic-loving friend.
Malaprops bookstore in downtown Asheville provided a life-changing moment when we each closed our eyes and grabbed a book at random from the travel section to discover where our future homes would be. I will be settling down in the California wine country. Debz seemed disappointed in her choice of New Mexico. Then came Vicki, whose wandering fingers skipped across all five shelves of exotic destinations and pulled out a guide to ... the Savannah/Hilton Head area. A bookstore employee inquired whether there was anything wrong with the woman rocking back and forth in the fetal position and groaning loudly.
We crossed through Great Smoky Mountains National Park all the way to Gatlinburg, Tennessee (home of the famous throwdown between Sue and his estranged father), which is not quite as tacky as I had envisioned.
But now, finally, when someone asks if I've ever been to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, I can hold my head high and say, "Yes, sir. Yes, I have." The days of hiding my shame with a lie are finally over.
- Posted by Brian at 12:50 AM
- Comments (0)
- Category: Travel
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Another site that makes fun of religious zealots
Today I learned that:
The only way to make Pat Buchanan seem almost tolerable is to plop him next to Jerry Falwell.
This site also reveals that "Catch 22" is the Bush administration's daily blueprint. But if you think about it, the "Catch 22" theory explains quite a bit. And if you click on the graphic I shamelessly stole from these fine satirists, you also can take a gander at Colin Powell socking Falwell in the jaw. Good times.
Now I'm off to pack for a long weekend in the North Carolina mountains (with a possible brief foray into Tennessee, if we're feeling adventurous or lost). I will have no electronic devices with me, save for my iPod and Batman utility belt.
- Posted by Brian at 11:50 PM
- Comments (0)
- Category: Politics
Monday, December 13, 2004
I wish I had gas
Because last night, I ran out. Turned on the stove and got nothing. No pilot. The lack of gas was confirmed when the presence of hot water could not be detected anywhere in the house.
So the gas guy comes this afternoon and fills up the tank. How fortunate... I had an extra $300 that I was going to do something foolish with. Like pay my student loan this month. How silly of me!
But when we got home from dinner, the smell of gas inside the house was pretty strong. Mmmmm, pure natural gas. Nothing like it! We decided it was probably best to call the gas company. The gas company decided it was probably best to turn off the gas, and they'd come out to take a look tomorrow. So tomorrow at work, when I'm not smelling my freshest, it's because I decided not to subject my body to a couple of minutes of ice-cold water to achieve my usual flowery scent. Sorry.
Now the cat is loopy on gas and has earned the name Mr. Stumbly. He managed to tangle himself in the shower curtain AND in the Christmas tree in the past half hour while running around like someone shot a rocket up his ass. Although it's a good thing no one actually shot a rocket in here. An open flame would not be in our best interests right now.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go tapdance with the ghost of Kelly Kapowski in the bedroom. lalalalalalala....
- Posted by Brian at 11:58 PM
- Comments (1)
- Category: Random
Thursday, December 2, 2004
Welcome, porn freaks
It seems some of you landing here are in search of naked people doing naked things. I'm sorry to say you are about to be disappointed. And no, I'm not going to provide you with some links to help you on your merry way. If you can't stumble onto some hot girl-on-girl action within a few clicks on your own, you are a certified moron.
For those of you NOT looking for porn, a bit of explanation... I took a look at this site's stats today, including the "Keyphrases used on search engines" section. The following searches linked people to my site over the past few months:
the women most locked at on the internet
most popular porn site on the internet
teen cheerleader model photos
slam that ass
got her ass stuck (this one came up twice!)
most popular porn site
japanese porn site
six porn site
While I'm at it, there are also some downright bizarre searches that you people are coming up with. Such as:
official site fat blaster
tequila boom milwaukee (Kudos, Chris)
martys muffler and service (Shout out to Marty)
sperm bank myrtle beach
most popular phrase that mom used
the girl who grew up on the internet
most popular hairstyle of 2004
grumpy grandmas
buying ephedra on the internet
antonio banderas current house
Actually, there are quite a few different Antonio Banderas queries popping up. I have no clue why since I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned his name on my site before.
These two are my favorite:
the dude abides
bush is dearth vader
And of course, by posting all these here, I have ensured that search engine bots will pick up on them and even more Web-weary souls searching for these things will end up here. Manipulating the Internet is fun!
- Posted by Brian at 11:19 PM
- Comments (2)
- Category: Tech/Geek
