Saturday, July 30, 2005

Heat kills

Children locked in cars on hot summer days apparently become incredibly happy in their dying moments, which makes Mr. Sun very angry:

This is from swanksigns.org, a site "dedicated to the art of mocking public works." My other favorites include "magic atmosphere" and "vampire monkey." I highly recommend extensive perusal of this site as a way to further procrastinate on whatever it is you're currently procrastinating on.

• Posted by Brian at 8:50 PM
• Comments (1)
• Category: Funny

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Triple digits

Going outside right now produces the same sensation you feel when a sweaty sumo wrestler sits on you.

At least, I assume so. I've never actually met a sumo wrestler, much less angered one to the point where he sat on my abdomen after a grueling match. But when I was 10 or so, this fat kid Jason tackled me playing football, and then he wouldn't get off me. That was pretty unpleasant, and it reminds me of what outside feels like today.

• Posted by Brian at 3:31 PM
• Comments (3)
• Category: Random

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Brake gas brake ... Honk honk punch

It took Matt and me 25 minutes yesterday to go from work to a restaurant three miles away. Because of the 278 widening project. It's a mess out there again today.

Apparently, I'm not the only one getting pissed off over it.

I'm not sure which is worse: the local and state officials who decided to start working on the road widening project right in the middle of tourist season (and also at the beginning of hurricane season) or the idiot drivers around here who slow down almost to a stop to creep over the metal plates over the highway that are contributing to the jams. Come on, people... the plates are not that thick! And since you're heading to Hilton Head, there's about a 90% chance you're driving an SUV, which, if you recall, were originally designed for people to take off road. Move it along!

To fend off the argument from people in Boston or Chicago or Atlanta, I am well aware that much larger cities have their share of traffic problems. But at least you have more than one route around the city. If the interstate is backed up, you can take a bypass or any number of side roads. Might not be the most convenient way, but it beats inhaling exhaust for three hours. In the Lowcountry, if 278 is a big snafu (as it is more frequently these days), we have a choice between inhaling exhaust for three hours or staying home. There is no other road to get to Hilton Head or all the way through Bluffton.

Chris is right: This place needs a good dose of the plague.

• Posted by Brian at 2:29 PM
• Comments (6)
• Category: Random

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Bluffton Today ... Gone Tomorrow

The Island Packet's "competition" -- Bluffton Today -- is never going to be as great as they like to think they are, and this is part of the reason.

Sure, everyone who works at The Packet has gotten our fair share of calls and e-mails from crackpots, Packet haters and the downright clueless. We crack up over 'em and pass 'em along to a couple co-workers and share the laughs. But no one would ever even think of publicly posting any of them to the site. Not only because that employee would be reprimanded, if not fired, but because it's a juvenile and unprofessional thing to do. It's on about the same maturity level as a high school kid's personal site that makes fun of the principal.

Morris, which owns Bluffton Today, sends out dozens of press releases each week boasting about their shiny new journalistic experiment to whomever in the news industry will listen. What do other reporters, editors and publishers think when they visit BT's site and see this?

This has been linked from the top of BT's home page for about five days now so they're obviously proud of their handiwork. The managing editor chimed in as well, so it's not just some reporter firing off one last good missive before packing his bags.

Stunts like this may get a few more people to read Bluffton Today, but it certainly won't get those people to respect it.

• Posted by Brian at 4:53 PM
• Comments (0)
• Category: Random

Monday, July 11, 2005

Satan is my motor

It was pretty sad when the three people in the car could only scrape together $2.82 in cash to pay a $3 parking garage fee.

(Henceforth for the purposes of this post and this post only, "we" = me, Debz and Sara.) We were heading to see Cake at the Atlanta Underground on Saturday. As I pulled into the parking garage, all three of us simultaneously announced, "I have no cash." I checked the rearview mirror, and a substantial line had formed behind the car, leaving me no choice but to move forward to face the wrath of the parking garage attendant.

We scraped together all the cash we had, about $2 of it coming from Sara ("It's a good thing I didn't buy that candy bar at work today"), leaving us 18 cents short. I offered our pittance to the attendant, who chose that precise moment to do her good deed for the day and passed us through. I hoped someone did something nice for her later that day. I would have tipped her, but ...

And Cake was excellent. The concert was one of those free outdoor deals and one hell of a bargain at 94 cents each.

• Posted by Brian at 11:56 PM
• Comments (12)
• Category: Music/Movies/TV

Friday, July 1, 2005

The end of an era

Today marked an historic occasion: it was the last day of Vicki's 7+ year tenure at The Island Packet.

I stationed myself outside the door to capture Vicki's final triumphant exit from the Packet building on film.

To celebrate the end of her employment with the Packet, tomorrow we will journey to Savannah's historic Grayson Stadium to watch as Vicki gets thoroughly tanked. Which surely will be more entertaining than the bumbling antics the Sand Gnats will be performing on the field.

And then farewell, gentle Vicki. The Packet and the Lowcountry will be quieter in your absence.

• Posted by Brian at 11:46 PM
• Comments (6)
• Category: Friends/Family