Tuesday, January 29, 2008

My quest

I have discovered that transferring data between a Mac and a Garmin eTrex Vista is comparable to walking on the moon or scoring with Eva Longoria in three ways:

• It is very difficult - but not impossible - to accomplish.

• Only a handful of lucky souls have ever done so.

• Even if one succeeds, few believe the tale.

Back to the task at hand, there are two obstacles one must overcome:

1. Finding a serial to USB connector that actually works. I first tried a generic one I got on eBay. It didn't work, but considering my $1.99 winning bid, I wasn't terribly surprised. I purchased the second - from usually reliable Belkin - because it featured the happy little "Mac compatible" face on the package. And it is Mac-compatible. With OS9, which I haven't used since early 2002. Maybe the forthcoming Keyspan adapter will do the trick.

2. Finding software that actually works. I think I found a serviceable app in GPS Babel, but I'm still blocked by reason #1.

I am aware that neither of these would be an obstacle if I simply plugged into a PC. However, doing so would equate failure, and I will not settle for that. Did Armstrong and Aldrin settle for simply orbiting the moon? Of course not. Did Tony Parker settle for one of the lesser Desperate Housewives? Hell, no!

So it will be with my quest. I will prevail or perish in the attempt.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Oops

About a month ago, my site was besieged by spammers leaving comments about subjects from V!@gr@ to "hot pennie st0ck optionz." So I turned the spam filter up. The barrage continued. Filter went up another couple notches. Still floweth the spam. I took it to the next level. The junk stopped. And so did your comments.

I just figured I had bored my friends and family into boycotting my drivel. But it turns out, you were posting spam too. Or so thought Movable Type. So today I turned the spam filter back down a notch in the hopes it will recognize the difference between you and the unwanted missives of Courteously Q. Concussion.

Once again, to clarify, I was not conspiring against you or trampling all over your First Amendment rights (in fact, I fully support your right to petition the government for redress of grievances ... just leave me the hell alone while you're doing so). You were a temporary casualty of an overzealous application of technology. Sorry 'bout that.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Drinking Apple-flavored Kool-Aid

I need a new phone.

My iPod is 5 years old. The battery life sucks and it's starting to act weird.

I like cool-looking shiny new things.

A certain device just got a 33% price decrease.

I'm prone to very occasional bouts of fiscal irresponsibility.

It should be here by Tuesday.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Must go to loving home

I hate to do it, but I'm selling my iMac. I want it to go to a good home, and that's where you come in.

If you know of anyone who might like to buy an iMac with a 1.8GHz G5 processor, 17" flat-panel screen, 768 MB of RAM, 80 GB hard drive, built-in Airport wireless card, please send this on. In fact, you'd have to be an idiot not to want this! And not all your friends and family are idiots, are they? No, they're not.

It also has Panther (Mac OS 10.3) preinstalled, but I have a copy of 10.4 (Tiger) I'll send along with it. You also get the iLife apps (iTunes, iPhoto, iMovie, iDVD and GarageBand).

For those of you whose eyes just glazed over but are still interested, there's a pretty picture (and complete tech specs) here.

It's in great condition, both inside and out. Asking $800. Shipping can be negotiated based on where the lucky buyer is, but it'll come in the original box for all you collectors out there.

Most of you have my e-mail address so I'm not posting it as spam bait. Don't know me (or don't like me enough to include in your address book) but still interested? Use the contact link near the top right-hard corner of the site.

Hurry, 'cause it goes on Craigslist this weekend!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

New addition to the family

She was delivered Monday, July 2 at 10:35 a.m. weighing 5.1 pounds with 2 full GB of RAM. Beautiful, no?

(And look! In the background of the photo, you'll notice a creature testing the boundaries of what I call "The Dismemberment Zone." Don't be fooled by the innocent look; that is pure destruction in feline disguise.)

The MacBook does not yet have a playmate in the form of an iPhone. I had the opportunity to analyze one at an Apple Store last weekend, and I think it lived up to the hype. However, before I could finish my research, a certain someone physically dragged me away, muttering something like "You want an iPhone or a wife? 'Cause you're not getting both."

Monday, April 9, 2007

Maybe for Christmas?

I open the link that Morgan has e-mailed me.

"No way in hell are you getting that," says Deborah, who walks in the room right as I click on the link. "It doesn't even rain here."

First the Def Leppard mirror* above the bed, now this. Yet another dream cruelly shattered by my pragmatist oppressor.

* Try Googling "Def Leppard mirror" ... you'd expect to uncover a treasure trove of old county fair memories, but nope, nothin' but disappointment.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Not worthy

I spent approximately 12 seconds in the Victoria Gardens Apple Store yesterday before coming to this depressing but inevitable conclusion: I was, by far, the worst dressed, least hip and least attractive schmuck in the place.

I'm surprised I was allowed inside.

Now I know there are many other geeks like myself who enjoy Apple's products. But they don't browse for iPods or MacBooks in Rancho Cucamonga, California, and subject themselves to public scorn. No, they wisely hide in their homes and abuse their credit cards via the Web.

I must learn from them. The sting of such humiliation is not soon forgotten.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Another reason why the 20th century sucked

From the way I ran out of the room following my 10 a.m. meeting this morning, I'm sure my fellow attendees were thinking, "Boy should just leave if he's gotta go that bad."

Imagine their mixture of surprise and disgust when, instead of dashing from the newsroom, I plopped in front of my computer. I could almost hear their whispers: "Boy has some territorial issues."

However, my actions had nothing to do with an urgent bladder. I wanted to see what Steve Jobs had unveiled during this morning's Mac Expo keynote. Sure enough, it was the long-awaited iPhone. From the brief description I read, it sounded ok. It had some drawbacks: hard drive too small (4GB and 8GB models, and how much of that does the OS require?), forced partnership with Cingular (I have nothing against the orange blot, but I like choice) and that (sweet merciful crap!) $500-600 price tag. So, mostly unimpressed, I wandered off to the restroom and got back to work.

When I got home, I checked out Apple's iPhone demo site. I watched the whole thing. I looked down at my two-year-old phone and wanted to smash it against the wall in an explosion of obsolescence. No way should other phones continue to exist. I lowered my arm, half-cocked, because the iPhone is not available until summer. And it costs $500. So my Motorola flip-phone (that can't take photos, surf the Web or even text worth a damn) silently receives its nightly charge, not realizing how close it came to causing a couple hundred dollar deduction from my security deposit.

One question... when you go to the Cingular web site, why in the name of all things holy does it not have any mention of its new partnership with Apple? My only guess is that their entire marketing department is stranded in the latest blizzard in Colorado, a state that apparently has no Internet, phone, carrier pigeons or other communication with the outside world. Yes, the iPhone is not yet available, but there's really no other reason I can fathom as to why this heralded savior of technology isn't plastered all over Cingular's home page.

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Exercise in boredom

Because I hadn't done it in a good long while, I Googled myself. This site popped up first. Of course. But to my utter disbelief, there were several other entries following it affiliated with imposters who claim my name, but yet clearly aren't me.

So I Alta Vista'ed, Dogpiled, Switchboarded, and Yahooed myself as well. I came up with a fairly large number of individuals faking their way through life with my name.

• The most frequent interloper is a partner with B2B, which "is a consultancy providing strategic and tactical advice and services to cutting edge new media companies." Sounds like a load of value-added Web 2.0 synergy to me.

• The same dude also is the CEO of Hollywood Stock Exchange. Or was. The press release is from February 2001.

• There's a Brian D. Dearth of Huntington Beach, Calif., whose grandmother (Mary L. Dearth of The Plains, Ga.) passed away in May 2005. It's probably this same kid who's pretty decent in the 100- and 200-meter dashes.

• A six-year-old with a Thomas the Train fetish lives in Utah.

• Belated congratulations to Salt Lake City's Brian Dearth, who was promoted to Terminal Manager at the Saia Salt Lake City location (see top of page 4). Perhaps he's the father or uncle or much-older cousin of the previous lad.

• Another took second place in the Rookie Division of the 2006 Ohio State Invitational Trapshooting Tournament. Keep practicing; second place is the first loser, and that's not gonna fly if you want to keep that name.

• A freshman at Timberlane Regional High School in New Hampshire made 1st Quarter honors in the 2005-06 school year. He's reachin' for the stars.

• There's a fellow with a familiar name who won Best of Show in the 2003 Allen County Fair Demolition Derby.

• The Ohio EPA Central Office appears to be ably staffed, especially in the Division of Solid and Infectious Waste Management (also known around the office as Sector 7G).

• The 2006 California Southern Section Spring Baseball League was dominated by a Temple City pitcher with my name. Third in the league in ERA. Not bad at all.

• There's an electrician in Bowling Green, Ohio, who's married to Heather.

• AgiForce's network systems guy has his MCSE. Although I can't imagine why he'd ever leave BigFatWow, Inc.

• Brian R. Dearth was inducted into Alpha Pi Gamma at Austin Community College in May 2003 along with a crapload of other non-Brian Dearths.

These people all have one thing in common (well, two if you count the name thing): They all fall below me in the Google search hierarchy. Even the CEO. I rule this name.

Friday, March 3, 2006

New look

But sorry... it's just a prettied up version of the same ol' shit.

I screwed up my RSS feed too. The old one won't work anymore. I'll post the new one when (if) I get it working again.

Yay for me. The new RSS 2.0 feed works now.

Monday, February 7, 2005

Ashes to ashes

My faithful Lexmark X83 has passed.

He was crippled for a long time, unable to print from his black cartridge. I couldn't stand to see him like that so I decided to attempt a routine cartridgectomy. I cleared a sizable blockage of ink from one of his main nozzles and carefully re-attached his delicate side panel. The operation complete, I plugged him in, and his eyes lit up ... and then blinked frantically as an awful banging sound came from inside. With no time to waste, I tore off the front panel, performed an emergency cartridge realignment and plugged him back in. One last horrible crunching noise sealed his fate.

Blinking back tears, I slowly closed his paper tray and set him gently back in the same box from which he sprang four short years ago.

On a completely unrelated subject, have I got a great deal on a used printer / copier / scanner for some lucky consumer! Hurry! Supplies are limited!

Thursday, December 2, 2004

Welcome, porn freaks

It seems some of you landing here are in search of naked people doing naked things. I'm sorry to say you are about to be disappointed. And no, I'm not going to provide you with some links to help you on your merry way. If you can't stumble onto some hot girl-on-girl action within a few clicks on your own, you are a certified moron.

For those of you NOT looking for porn, a bit of explanation... I took a look at this site's stats today, including the "Keyphrases used on search engines" section. The following searches linked people to my site over the past few months:

the women most locked at on the internet
most popular porn site on the internet
teen cheerleader model photos
slam that ass
got her ass stuck (this one came up twice!)
most popular porn site
japanese porn site
six porn site

While I'm at it, there are also some downright bizarre searches that you people are coming up with. Such as:

official site fat blaster
tequila boom milwaukee (Kudos, Chris)
martys muffler and service (Shout out to Marty)
sperm bank myrtle beach
most popular phrase that mom used
the girl who grew up on the internet
most popular hairstyle of 2004
grumpy grandmas
buying ephedra on the internet
antonio banderas current house

Actually, there are quite a few different Antonio Banderas queries popping up. I have no clue why since I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned his name on my site before.

These two are my favorite:

the dude abides
bush is dearth vader

And of course, by posting all these here, I have ensured that search engine bots will pick up on them and even more Web-weary souls searching for these things will end up here. Manipulating the Internet is fun!

Friday, November 26, 2004

Almost 3 months

That's how long my willpower lasted before I gave in to temptation.

I was swayed by the relentless one-two punch** of Morgan and Marty. Although, really, I didn't need much swaying. Just look at it! Anyone who doesn't get one is a moron!

But I had no choice. Much as I love my little G3 iBook, it has trouble running iPhoto and iTunes at the same time. Throw in a browser, and things really start dragging. I was being inconvenienced, and that just can't be.

** It should be noted that both punch like little girls.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Wipe that drool off the keyboard

The new G5 iMacs came out today. Pretty. Me want.

I'm wrestling with the idea of whether it would be worth laying out a wad of cash for one. It would be a significant upgrade from my 14" G3 800MHz iBook that's still missing the 3 key.

One complaint: it would be nice if the new iMacs came with more than 256MB of RAM as the standard. Just set the standard at 512 and charge $150 more for the thing. Although I have to admit that I wouldn't even consider a new iMac if the price point wasn't so reasonable. $1300 for the base model is one hell of a deal.

I really can't afford it right now, but that's what credit cards and Apple Loans are for, right?

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

I done broke the 'Book

Damn! I broke off the 3 key on my iBook!

The three key's skeletal underpinning looks like a metallic face, staring back at me in binary pain. And although I know it has no feelings, I can almost see a tear forming in the corner of what appears to be its left eye. But no, it's not a teardrop. It's that goddamn wad of black cat hair I was trying to dig out when I broke the thing in the first place!

Thursday, April 22, 2004

This is what we do at "work"

Despite appearances, these new G5s are - unfortunately - not mine.

They were just delivered to my office. What's even worse... I don't even get one of these babies for my work machine! Oh the humanity!

It could be worse though. I could be Morgan, who sent the following e-mail to me and Chris about the photo below:

"This would make for a good Fark.com link - "Photoshop these two dorks and their G5's". That being said, DO NOT POST THIS ON FARK.COM. Your sites - OK. Fark.com - NOT OK."

Matt (at the far left) is just an innocent bystander. Don't judge him. Judge Morgan all you want. This is a lot funnier if you know Morgan.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

The possibilities are limitless

Right now, I could be doing anything. I could be teaching myself Cantonese. Maybe I should jog a few miles and build up my stamina and lung capacity. Perhaps even shop for my sister's birthday, which was exactly one week ago. But no, I'm not doing any of those things. I'm tracking a package through the UPS system.

I don't know why I need to know that the sleeping bag I ordered from campmor.com is currently in Raleigh, N.C., and has been there since 3:02 this afternoon. Or that the package originated in Saddle Brook, N.J., then moved on to Secaucus, N.J., before landing in Baltimore for a few hours.

But I know it's scheduled to arrive tomorrow, and arrive it shall! The UPS tracking system has never let me down before. Lo, I shan't be disappointed for the Internet says it is so!

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Your mileage may vary

For the most part, I'm done wrestling with the blogging software, and the blog transition is pretty much complete.

So now, if you're viewing this and there's a bunch of white space surrounding the text, you're in the wrong spot. You should start going to my index page at www.briandearth.com. It's much prettier.

To use a simple analogy: if you're on the old blog page, it'll still contain all the posts, but it looks like crap. It's like taking a look at me immediately after I get out of bed. Unshaven, hair sticking up, a general grumpiness permeating my being, but still me.

Then I shower. After I get dressed, I look approximately normal. Now, if you go to my index page, the blog looks MUCH better, just like the post-shower me.

And that's pretty much how I wasted my weekend.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Excuse the mess

I'm about to start screwing around with my blog and designing it for the index page of my site. Right now, it's buried at some obscure URL because I lack any kind of foresight or planning skills whatsoever.

Basically, as I make a short story long, the blog may look funky over the next couple of days as I find time to mess with the code. But the end result will have the blog greet everyone who visits my home page.

By the way, I bought the misterslam.com domain name, bringing one of my two cats into cyberspace. The domain now redirects to my site. Propzzz go out to the fine folks at Tigertech for their great customer service.

Sorry to Robin, my other cat... robin.com is being hogged by a food processing equipment company. Kind of surprising. I figured it would be a porn site.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

New toy

So that new iPod I promised myself I wouldn't buy arrived today. Like any tech-obsessed geek, upon opening the box for the first time, I busied myself by completely ignoring the directions and pushing random buttons to see what would happen. The screen immediately blinked into Japanese. Great.

One soft reset later and all my songs are on there. I christened it with "Another Postcard" by the Ladies.

This thing rocks.

Saturday, May 31, 2003

Welcome

Welcome to my brand new blog. It's Saturday night, just before midnight, and I'm sitting at home creating a goddamn blog. I am a loser.